BBA The Chase Winner, Dillish Matthews, in Nigeria

Big Brother (The Chase) winner, Dillish Matthews, visited Nigeria for a visit with Edo State Governor, Adams Oshiomole, and also to celebrate her birthday in Abuja with other fellow ex-housemates from BBA The Chase.

 

 

The Namibian beauty was in Edo State, Nigeria, last year and participated in the Miss University Africa Beauty Pageant which was held in the State.  She ended up being crowned Princess, was named Miss Photogenic and Miss President's Choice from a bevy of other 39 African beauty queens.

How to Sustain the ‘Fire’ in a Relationship

 

Admittedly, it feels really good to be in a committed relationship. But the comfort this feeling brings and the rigors of moving from one stage of the relationship to the next, most often than not, impact negatively on relationships.  When the romance stage is over, sustaining a relationship becomes a herculean task in that it is not uncommon to become too comfortable and no longer make efforts to make your partner feel special.  Below are some things to avoid in order to keep the heat on:

Don’t stop taking care of your appearance. Taking care of yourself and how you look is a wonderful way to keep the zest in your relationship going strong. Many get too comfortable after getting committed that they let everything just hang out.  Sloppiness is a relationship faster killer.  Also, staying in shape will help stoke the fire of your passion for each other and help maintain your partner’s interest in you.  Don’t let your beer-belly (for the man) or that ‘spare tire’ after the baby (for the woman) take the place of your real belly.  Admittedly, it may not be possible to maintain the figure you had when you started out but nothing is wrong with trying your best to come close to it.

Don’t be stuck in a routine. Are you stuck in a routine? Do you find yourselves doing the same things over and over again, day in day out? If you have fallen into a monotonous way of doing things as a couple, then it is time to get out of it.  Get out there and seek new experiences.  Think of things you’ve never done before and follow up your thoughts with action.  Don’t just sit and talk about doing things that will inspire or stimulate you; get out there and do them.

Don’t stop being each other’s good friend:  A good friend is like both parents and siblings all rolled into one person.  A good friend is a confidant(e), is friendly, happy and playful.  You play with each other all the time and try not to fight or yell at each other.  You don’t hide things from a friend and gently point out their wrongs for them to see.

Don’t stop writing love notes or practicing what they contain. Thanks to technology, love notes don’t have to be manually written.  SMSs, Chats, and emails get delivered almost immediately.  Seduction should start long before you reach the bedroom door. Write how you feel about your partner and put into practice; revisit those special memories you’ve created.  Write about those things that you did for each other early on in your relationship that made your partner feels loved and appreciated.

Don’t stop those occasional pleasant surprises.  If you no longer surprise and delight your partner, chances are they will feel neglected or at least not as appreciated as they would like. If doing the same darn thing you used to seems clichéd for some reason, try a variation on a theme or just make something up. Everyone loves to feel special and appreciated by the one they love, and you are not likely to go wrong.

Don’t stop learning about each other.  Make learning about your partner a continuous process. We’ve all heard the cliché as to how a relationship ended. It goes like this: “We grew apart.” What this usually means is that one person continued growing and the other didn’t care. At the start of a relationship, you spend a lot of time learning about your loved one’s childhood, upbringing, relationships, work and so on. But once you’ve known those things, don’t stop learning about each other. Your partner continues to grow and you need to keep up with their new interests and the new aspects about them. Otherwise, your relationship may become part of the other dreaded clichés: “50% of marriages don't survive.”

Don’t stop having time together for real conversations: Couples can sometimes amaze themselves when they think back to the last real conversation they had together, and realize that it has been weeks, if not months. In our busy world today, it is essential that you carve out time that is for your partner only. Talk about yourselves and your union.  Having real conversations can allow you to reconnect with your partner on a higher intimate level. Protect that time together at all cost otherwise the price could be your relationship.

Don’t stop looking gorgeous for your partner.  Remember, vision is one of the senses, and the more senses your partner can use to appreciate you, the more sensuous their experience. So go the extra mile and give your partner something to look at; chances are by now that you know what they like, and if not, you can ask! But don’t make the mistake of thinking you need to look like some supermodel to appeal to your partner’s visual senses.  Dress for your partner like you did on your first few dates.

Don’t stop wooing your partner.  Remember that sweet sense of anticipation when you were still wooing one another? Learn how to revive your relationship and try to reconnect with that feeling and recreate a sense of courtship in your day to day life. Maintaining romance is probably the single most important thing you can do to maintain a healthy relationship and nothing kills it faster than feeling taken for granted. Everyone wants to feel special and if you don’t continue to woo your mate someone else may.

Don’t cheat on your partner. Infidelity can take a devastating toll on a relationship.  Most often than not, it usually marks the end of most relationships.  Only very few relationships survive infidelity.  Cheated-on spouses often experience feelings of anger, depression, resentment as well as the inability to move past the details of the affair or trust the cheating partner ever again.  It is very difficult to keep the fire of a relationship burning bright after a cheating incidence.

Don’t stop saying ‘Thank-you’.  Gratitude unexpressed, they say, is the worst kind of ingratitude.   Show gratitude to your partner even if what they are doing for you is an obligation.  Though an obligation, not every partner feels obligated to carry out their responsibilities.  Sometimes, saying thank you isn’t quite enough; therefore, there’s nothing wrong in showing appreciation with an occasional special gift to your partner.

If you do not want to be one of the statistics of a broken relationship, then be sure to implement these tips to keep your relationship very strong.  Remember to apologize whenever you wronged your partner.  Never let your anger linger for too long.  It is paramount to address disagreements as such issues left unattended to could gnaw at your relationship.

Your Partner is No Longer In Love with You If....

It is important to know that since it is possible to fall in love then it is equally possible to fall out of it.  It is extremely hard to come to terms with the changes in the behavior of your partner that you are still in love with but who no longer loves you.  If you want to ascertain whether the changes in behavior actually mean the end of your relationship, below are signs to help:

 

Your partner is no longer in love with you if:

They Stopped Giving you Preferential Treatment

You were once number one on their priority list but of late you are left wondering if you still make the list.  This is one of the warning signs that they've stopped considering you as the most important person in their life.

They Physically Avoid You

You know they are no longer in love with you if your partner avoids eye contact with you, does not encourage or actively participate in conversation and maintains their distance.  Normally, they would be the one volunteering information about themselves, such as letting you know how their day went without your asking, and so on. They sudden clamp up means they no longer love you.

They are Indifferent to Your Irksome Habits

When your partner becomes indifferent and your annoying habits don't irk them anymore, then know they no longer have interest in the relationship.

They Dodge Intimacy

Another sign to look out for is if they no longer want to be intimate with you.  If they positioned their body away from you and avoid physically touching you at all cost, then they no longer love you.  They normally can't wait to get intimate with you and would enjoy intimate gist about your times together but such talks would not interest them anymore or even annoy them when they no longer have feelings for you.

They Stopped Calling You Pet Names

If they stopped calling you honey, sweetie, sugar, boo, etc., know their strong feelings for you have gone and they no longer love you. 

They Became Secretive

They were once accessible - an open book to you; you once knew their plans in advance and how their calendar looks like the next one month but not any longer.  If they became secretive overnight, not wanting you to know what they are up to, it is a sure sign that they are tired of the relationship and don't want you in their life anymore.

They Want to Be Just Friends with Benefits

Friends with benefits is when you get sexually involved with a friend with no strings attached. If your partner with whom you are in a monogamous relationship tells you they want to be friends with benefit with you, then they are clearly letting you know that they now see you as a someone they could take for a fun romp in the sack and nothing more.

If They Suggest You Be in An Open Relationship

Unlike Friends with Benefits, an open relationship entails some form of commitment to your partner; you could even be legally married to them.  But this type of relationship, although you are somehow committed to your partner, connotes that they wouldn't mind you 'seeing' others.  If your partner suggests an open relationship, it simply means you are no longer 'the one' and they are keeping their options open and eyes peeled for someone better. If they still love you, they will want you exclusively for themselves.

How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work

 

A long distance relationship is hard enough without having to add to it the extra unnecessary hassles individuals sometimes add to the already difficult situation.  These additional pressures sometimes cause normal situations to become overly stressful.  To make a long distance relationship work, here are a few things to consider doing:

 

Stay in Touch:  Not staying in regular touch is the same as ignoring your partner.  Make your partner know and feel that they can talk to you when they want or need to.  Having access to you removes their doubts and fears and enables them function emotionally well and get through a difficult time of being apart from you.  Staying in touch is paramount to the functionality of a long distance relationship and removing it will mean taking away a critical component of the relationship.  It might not seem very important to you but it could be to your partner. 

 

Do not Tempt Your Partner's Trust:  When you are separated by distance, the tendency to begin new relationship increases over time. If you feel it isn't okay for your partner to date others, why would you think it is okay for you to do so?  You might feel you could get away with it, it is almost a guarantee you could, but it just isn't right.  Do not tempt your partner's trust by double dating as there's no guarantee that you wouldn't be found out.  A relationship without trust is a dead relationship.

 

Do not Take Your Long Distance Partner for Granted:  Simply because your partner has proven they love you a whole bunch or are hopelessly interested in you does not mean you should take it for granted that they will always be there.  There's a limit to what you can get away with.  Even the most patient and understanding person could grow weary of being made to feel they are just an option.

 

Do Not be too Needy:  You might appear to be too needy if you always cave in to that burning need to constantly contact your partner.  Control your feelings each time you are tempted to contact your partner within a short period of your last conversation with them.  While you might think doing so will bring you closer, your partner might consider your action a little despearate and suffocating.  When you appear to be too clingy, you invariably drive your partner away.

 

Do Not Accuse them of Doing Something You Can't Prove:  If you do not have substantial proof that your partner is avoiding your calls/messages, is delaying returning your calls, or is dating others and therefore cheating you, then do not make the accusations.  It isn't worth losing someone you love over 'feelings' that something is going on behind your back.

 

There's no doubting the fact that long distance relationships will work perfectly alright if the people involved are strong in faith, love and have respect for each other.

Types of Wives and Their Character Traits

 

There are different types of women with different character traits. Which have you got as a wife?  Many women are good at masking their true character when dating, therefore, it sometimes is very difficult to realize what you are really into and before you know it, you are already married. Marriage is entered into with the intent to make it a lifetime commitment, thus you need to understand and recognize which category she belongs to so that you can be better prepared to handle her and your marriage appropriately.

 

The Party Wife

 

This woman is very mobile and very sociable.  She's always attending one function after the other (she's at every wedding, bridal or baby shower, office function, birthday party, house warming party, political convention; just name the party or gathering - she's there).  She is rarely at home during the weekends to have time for her husband and kids.  She's a member of every social club in town.  She can spend all the housekeeping allowance on party gifts and the dress she'll wear.  She always has a large group of friends; she's generally the woman about town.

 

(Advice: You may consider adding cooking and child care to your skills as you'll probably end up doing these because she'll be away partying most of the time.)

 

The Dictionary Wife aka Opinionated Wife

 

The opinionated wife believes she knows everything and wouldn't take suggestions from anybody - it must be her way; what she thinks or says is what will be.  She's obstinate, argues a lot (she can argue from dawn to dusk), and when she's taken a decision on something, it is final.  Everything must remain the way she sees it and no one dare alters that.  She's also orderly in an obsessive way and will become angry when things are tampered with in the home.

 

(Advice: If you find yourself saddled with her, you must be an expert at aruging for long hours and then winning the argument or be ready to live a strait-jacketed life.)

 

The Pampered Wife

 

This woman is usually a pampered child right from home (usually from a rich home), the apple of daddy and mummy's eye, and therefore cannot understand why things cannot remain the way she has known them to be.  She's probably an only child or the only girl-child of her parents.  She's generally lazy and will hardly lift a finger to do the house chores.  Her husband is more of a houseboy than a husband in addition to being a cash cow.  She spends money as if it's going out of fashion and embarks on regular shopping trips to buy trivial stuff she doesn't need.  She can squander the family life savings within the twinkle of an eye without a second thought.

 

(Advice: If you got her as a wife, you may need to consider having another bank account she knows nothing about before you find yourselves in abject penury later in life.)

 

The Office Wife aka The Career Wife

 

To this type of wife, her career is her life.  She's so career-minded that every other thing revolves around it, including the well-being of her family.  She's always using her career as an excuse for not being at home for her family and tends to bring a lot of work home.  This woman does not respect her husband's feelings and is prone to think he isn't important because she can support herself.

 

(Advice: If she's your wife, then your earning power should be greater than hers otherwise be emotionally prepared as you could be dumped at any moment.)

 

The Worry Wife

 

This woman always looks sick and down-trodden.  One look at her and you'll be totally convinced she's carrying the whole weight of the world on her frail shoulders.  She worries about everything - the children, husband, relatives, the weather, Christmas that's six months away, what other people think, etc.  She lives in a constant state of anxiety and fear.

 

(Advice:  Learn the art of couselling as you are going to spend half your time together with the worry wife trying to assuage her fears.)

 

The Headmistress aka The Boss

 

This woman places herself in charge of the family and even treats her husband like one of the kids.  She dictates the pace of affairs at home, is very authoritative and bosses everyone around including visitors to her home.  She's also a strict disciplinarian who believes in retribution.  Woe betides any child, even her husband, that makes a trivial mistake, for greater will be their punishment.  When she's at home, a chilly silence usually descends and shrouds the home.

 

(Advice:  Be prepared, for, with this kind of wife, you'll be walking through the remainder of your life as if you are treading on egg shells.)

 

 The Boxer Wife

 

If she competes in a boxing championship, she's sure to win hands down.  The boxer wife is very offensive and mostly violent.  Shouting and nagging are a favourite pastime for her.  This woman will engage in fisticuffs with anyone and strongly believes in tit for tat, fire for fire, do me I do you. Her husband, domestic staff, children and relatives are in constant fear of her.

 

(Advice:  You may want to pick up boxing as a sport to arm yourself against the battery boxer wife.)

 

Dust Bin Wife

 

This woman is very dirty and unkempt through all seasons.  Personal hygiene means nothing to her; she doesn't care about her personal appearance let alone that of her house.  Her kids wander the streets in tattered clothes.  She has unwashed clothes piled up in a corner of her house.  She's very disorganized and confused at all times. 

 

(Advice: You'll need to employ a team of domestic staff to help and support the dust bin wife to make the house habitable for everyone.)

 

The Possessive Wife

 

She's very protective of her husband to the point of suffocating him.  She's very jealous and every other woman around her husband, including her sisters and friends, she sees as a threat.  Her husband's friends are bad company or influence and even his family members cannot get 'too close'.  She will never allow another person correct her children, not even her own mother.  Her housmaid, if she has any, is closely watched and must always look dowdy in order not to attract her husband.  She looks into her husband's phone and wants to know who he's on the phone with each time he receives a call in her presence. 

 

(Advice: Be well preapred as you'll constantly be faced with humiliation and have happiness yanked away from your reach by the possessive woman.)

 

The High Maintenance Wife

 

She's a 'Designer' freak.  Everything she buys or wears must be 'Designer'.  She knows the 'latest' fashion and will dress to the nines just to go pick up a bottle of nail varnish from the corner store.  This one will milk you dry as nothing is 'too expensive'.  As far as she's concerned, money is meant to be spent.

 

(Advice:  You will need a good cash stash that will last a lifetime to satisfy her and sustain your marriage.)

 

The Doormat Wife

 

This one will tolerate every s**t meted out to her by the husband in the name of love for him - cheating, physical and emotional abuse, rape, lack of attention and care, shouldering the whole family financial responsibility, etc.  Her husband doesn't contribute anything in the upbringing of their children.  He will disappear for days and reappear at will and each time he comes home after a disappearing act, her arms are opened to welcome him back without questions. 

 

(Advice:  If you are not a family oriented man, or find trampling on the self-respect of women pleasurable, then you've hit the jackpot with this type of woman.)

 

 

To be continued....!

What to Consider doing When Initiating a Break Up

Break-up is never easy.  It is such a sad event that if we could have our way, no one would want to travel down the break-up road.  But sometimes it is inevitably necessary and the only option available.  But in as much as it is quite difficult not to be acrimonious when ending a relationship, there are certain things the partner ending the relationship should try to do to soften the devastating effects that entail break-ups:
 

Ø  Never end a relationship without giving your partner the true reasons behind your decision.  Be totally frank about your feelings and your reasons for wanting to break up with them.

 

Ø  Never allow a third party be the one to communicate your decision to break-up with your partner to them.  Third party here could be your friend, relative, text message, phone call, the social media, etc.  Tell it to your partner in person because they deserve to be accorded that respect.

 

Ø  Do not push blames.  The decision to breakup should solely be yours.  And do not prolong the discussion.

 

Ø  Be compassionate, courteous, and empathic as much as possible as this was someone you once loved.  Also chose your words to communicate your decision to your partner.  Remember it could be the other way round.  Try not to be excited about it because it is a sadder event for your partner than it is for you since you must have had time to think over your decision while to them it is sudden.

 

Ø  There’s no guarantee your partner will be calm all through – if they were the violent one during your relationship, then, for safety reasons, never meet with them alone to declare your decision to end the relationship.

 

Ø  Thank them for the good times you had together – do this without raising a false hope in them that you could get back together again if you are sure of what you want. It will be important to get a firm decision in place to follow the break up through as your partner may want you to give them another chance.

 

Ø  Although you are the one ending it, there’s no guarantee you will remain emotionally unscathed.  Therefore, you must be ready, or have a plan in place on how, to cope with the vacuum that the separation will create until you’ve healed enough to fill it up.

Types of Men - Part 2

Below is the continuation of the write-up on the types of men. Click here to read the first part.

Mr. Emotionally Disconnected

He does not talk when he is upset, nor does he say "I love you" even when he probably does. You can never know the true state of his mind. You could sense he’s with you emotionally this moment, and the next he’s gone. He may occasionally experience outbursts of emotions and may even choose to express it to you, but most times, he’s always emotionally distant from you. He keeps it all to himself. When Mr. Emotionally Disconnected dumps you, a conclusion you may be forced to reach all by yourself as he’ll never tell you, you may never know why. A relationship with such a guy cause emotional trauma as you’ll never know where you stand with him. If you have the emotional energy to condone such treatment, by all means hang on then.

 

Mr. Slob

 

His bed is littered with all categories of clothings, both washed and unwashed. His shoes are piled in a corner; he has a shoe closet but it's too much trouble using it. You’ll be sure to find dirty dishes from last week in his kitchen sink. The car he bought a few months ago already looks 10 years old. He allows everything (including his own body) to run down. He has no clue that his house smells funny or that the trash can needs to be emptied. You are most likely to always remind him to take his bath.

Mr. Underachiever

He has a college degree but works at a low-paying job and doesn't seem to be bothered that his peers are doing better. He never strives to climb higher on the self-development ladder; he's forever comfortable on the first rung. He is okay to have if you don't mind having an added item on your list of liabilities as you will probably end up having to support him financially at some point.

Mr. Overachiever

To him, it is all about getting everything he can. He is impatient and wants to be the first to own the latest car, phone, or any hi-tech apparatus; he wants to be the best at everything and sees life as a fierce competition. He is very work-focused, and has no time for anything else including you. If you don’t mind it that he’s got only but little time for you, you may stick around.

Mr. Stalker

He is constantly concerned, but with ulterior motives, with where you are, what you are doing, who you are with, and what you are thinking. Mr. Stalker has trust issues and will call, text or email you a great number of times in a day. He will also track you without your knowledge. If you find yourself dating a stalker, then you should end the relationship immediately, and possibly seek a restraining order.

Mr. Negative

He believes that nothing or no one is any good. He complains about everything under the sun and will always find fault with everything. This guy hardly believes anything, least of all is when you said you love him. He believes that the world, and everything in it, is against him and you too will be at some point. Do not waste time dating this guy, as no matter how hard you tried, he’ll never believe you truly love him.

Mr. Addict

This guy enjoys his poison ... whether the narcotic is alcohol, drugs, partying, or whatever. It is all about satisfying the addiction; his whole life revolves around it. If you want to keep him, then try not to interrupt his buzz.

Mr. Arrogant

As far as his concern goes, he is better than everyone. He is ostentatious, vain and his seams burst open with pride. He looks down upon the world, and looks down upon you as well, for whatever reason. Just bear in mind that, this attitude is unlikely to change as he will continually see himself as a 'gift' to you which you should be grateful for.

Mr. Cheap

He’s so tight-fisted he can make a penny scream for mercy. He wants to know how much everything cost – how much did that drink cost; it will have been cheaper if you bought from that other other store.... In fact, he knows where everything is sold the cheapest. If the two of you are ever homeless, then he will be a real asset to have around.

Mr. Self-Gratifier

He is dedicated to all pleasures the world can offer him and is willing to pay any price for these pleasures. He can be mild or extreme. A "mild" case might enjoy a good cigar, or maybe a $100 bottle of wine. A "severe" case might enjoy hookers and cocaine. He's also self-centred.  This is just so you know so you will be better prepared if you are settling for him.

Mr. Flirt

This guy can flirt to an inch of his life.  He will shoo away your discomfort by swearing to you that it's harmless fun. But if given the slightest chance Mr. Flirt will actualize his antics without batting an eyelid.

Mr. Perfect aka Mr. Right or Mr. Jackpot

You sure have hit the jackpot real good with Mr. Perfect. He is well-balanced, an incurable romantic, emotionally and financially sound, respectful, family oriented guy, mind reader; whichever qualities are most important to you, he has them all, and more. Better luck finding one of these because the last time I checked, he does not exist. But if you find him, pursue him hotly, and make sure you grab and hold him tenaciously as that may be your one and only chance of becoming the luckiest woman on earth.