How to Sustain the ‘Fire’ in a Relationship

 

Admittedly, it feels really good to be in a committed relationship. But the comfort this feeling brings and the rigors of moving from one stage of the relationship to the next, most often than not, impact negatively on relationships.  When the romance stage is over, sustaining a relationship becomes a herculean task in that it is not uncommon to become too comfortable and no longer make efforts to make your partner feel special.  Below are some things to avoid in order to keep the heat on:

Don’t stop taking care of your appearance. Taking care of yourself and how you look is a wonderful way to keep the zest in your relationship going strong. Many get too comfortable after getting committed that they let everything just hang out.  Sloppiness is a relationship faster killer.  Also, staying in shape will help stoke the fire of your passion for each other and help maintain your partner’s interest in you.  Don’t let your beer-belly (for the man) or that ‘spare tire’ after the baby (for the woman) take the place of your real belly.  Admittedly, it may not be possible to maintain the figure you had when you started out but nothing is wrong with trying your best to come close to it.

Don’t be stuck in a routine. Are you stuck in a routine? Do you find yourselves doing the same things over and over again, day in day out? If you have fallen into a monotonous way of doing things as a couple, then it is time to get out of it.  Get out there and seek new experiences.  Think of things you’ve never done before and follow up your thoughts with action.  Don’t just sit and talk about doing things that will inspire or stimulate you; get out there and do them.

Don’t stop being each other’s good friend:  A good friend is like both parents and siblings all rolled into one person.  A good friend is a confidant(e), is friendly, happy and playful.  You play with each other all the time and try not to fight or yell at each other.  You don’t hide things from a friend and gently point out their wrongs for them to see.

Don’t stop writing love notes or practicing what they contain. Thanks to technology, love notes don’t have to be manually written.  SMSs, Chats, and emails get delivered almost immediately.  Seduction should start long before you reach the bedroom door. Write how you feel about your partner and put into practice; revisit those special memories you’ve created.  Write about those things that you did for each other early on in your relationship that made your partner feels loved and appreciated.

Don’t stop those occasional pleasant surprises.  If you no longer surprise and delight your partner, chances are they will feel neglected or at least not as appreciated as they would like. If doing the same darn thing you used to seems clichéd for some reason, try a variation on a theme or just make something up. Everyone loves to feel special and appreciated by the one they love, and you are not likely to go wrong.

Don’t stop learning about each other.  Make learning about your partner a continuous process. We’ve all heard the cliché as to how a relationship ended. It goes like this: “We grew apart.” What this usually means is that one person continued growing and the other didn’t care. At the start of a relationship, you spend a lot of time learning about your loved one’s childhood, upbringing, relationships, work and so on. But once you’ve known those things, don’t stop learning about each other. Your partner continues to grow and you need to keep up with their new interests and the new aspects about them. Otherwise, your relationship may become part of the other dreaded clichés: “50% of marriages don't survive.”

Don’t stop having time together for real conversations: Couples can sometimes amaze themselves when they think back to the last real conversation they had together, and realize that it has been weeks, if not months. In our busy world today, it is essential that you carve out time that is for your partner only. Talk about yourselves and your union.  Having real conversations can allow you to reconnect with your partner on a higher intimate level. Protect that time together at all cost otherwise the price could be your relationship.

Don’t stop looking gorgeous for your partner.  Remember, vision is one of the senses, and the more senses your partner can use to appreciate you, the more sensuous their experience. So go the extra mile and give your partner something to look at; chances are by now that you know what they like, and if not, you can ask! But don’t make the mistake of thinking you need to look like some supermodel to appeal to your partner’s visual senses.  Dress for your partner like you did on your first few dates.

Don’t stop wooing your partner.  Remember that sweet sense of anticipation when you were still wooing one another? Learn how to revive your relationship and try to reconnect with that feeling and recreate a sense of courtship in your day to day life. Maintaining romance is probably the single most important thing you can do to maintain a healthy relationship and nothing kills it faster than feeling taken for granted. Everyone wants to feel special and if you don’t continue to woo your mate someone else may.

Don’t cheat on your partner. Infidelity can take a devastating toll on a relationship.  Most often than not, it usually marks the end of most relationships.  Only very few relationships survive infidelity.  Cheated-on spouses often experience feelings of anger, depression, resentment as well as the inability to move past the details of the affair or trust the cheating partner ever again.  It is very difficult to keep the fire of a relationship burning bright after a cheating incidence.

Don’t stop saying ‘Thank-you’.  Gratitude unexpressed, they say, is the worst kind of ingratitude.   Show gratitude to your partner even if what they are doing for you is an obligation.  Though an obligation, not every partner feels obligated to carry out their responsibilities.  Sometimes, saying thank you isn’t quite enough; therefore, there’s nothing wrong in showing appreciation with an occasional special gift to your partner.

If you do not want to be one of the statistics of a broken relationship, then be sure to implement these tips to keep your relationship very strong.  Remember to apologize whenever you wronged your partner.  Never let your anger linger for too long.  It is paramount to address disagreements as such issues left unattended to could gnaw at your relationship.