It is very
normal to feel attracted to someone and want to spend every minute with
them. You think nothing else but them
and when you are not together you send little ‘I miss you’, ‘Are you
okay’, messages. What is abnormal is finding yourself nursing these feelings or ddoing more of the message sending than receiving, that is if you receive any at all. Also, the more you feel in love the less you feel loved and the more you want closeness the more your partner distances themselves. Deep within you a certain warnng bell occasionaly peals, telling you something is wrong but you elect not to pay attention to it.
The real trouble is you love your partner more than they love you. You wonder if it is possible to love too much? This may sound absurd, but the answer is yes it is possible. When you love someone so much more than they love you, that translates to loving too much and by doing so you set the stage for that person to reject you. It's like pressuring someone to eat food even though they are not hungry or coercing them into eating food they don't really like and then question their lack of enthusiasm.
You should know you love your partner too much if:
1. You want to talk to them almost every time or want to see them every few days but, unlike you, they are able to go very long periods without talkng to you or seeing you and it doesn't bother them.
2. Your thoughts keep moving from "my partner loves me so much" to "does my partner feel anything for me...? Maybe I should just call the relationship off.
3. They seem extraordinarily independent and this drives you nuts. They even make you feel you could have sex with someone else and it wouldn't matter one bit to them.
4. You feel empty and unloved even when you are with them and feel emptier and insecure when you are away from them.
5. Most of your time is consumed thinking of this special person and strategising on what you will say or do, how and when you will say or do it, just to make them see that you are meant for each other.
6. You live for their love and in moments of insecurity you try to squeeze out some words or actions that reassure you that they love you and are there to stay but deep inside, you know that putting pressure on them is the worst thing to do.
7. You want to and actually do talk about the relationship more than they want to. And many of your talks about the relationship leave you feeling more insecure, depressed, second rate and unlovable.
8. There is another man or woman in the picture and your partner can't seem to get themselves to end the relationship with that other man or woman. You can see that they are genuinely conficted because they love they other person too or even love them more than they do you.
9. You feel like you are getting mixed signals from them. You probably are. One moment they are open and want to be close and the next their words and actions seem to say "I need my space" or "leave me alone; you are pressuring me."
10. You are trying so badly to please them and you do things to show them that you are deeply in love and, in the process, you lose your spontaneity to the point that you are becoming increasingly "too serious" and "overly sensitive".
11. One moment you find yourslef unable to refrain from telling them that they are unfair, selfish, insensitive, unmotivated, unpolished, boorish, depressed, etc., and the next you are professing your undying love and desire for a committed relationship.
12. You have sex with them because you think that that's what they want. You hope and pray that the closeness of sex will bring the two of you closer to each other but it only make you feel used.
13. You are constantly rationalizing the negatives and straining to believe them even when what they are saying defies simple common sense.
14. You are obsessed with trying to interpret, understand and clarify their every word and action. You are constantly searching for internet articles, asking friends and even strangers what they think: "does my partner love me or not?"
15. You constantly feel you are the powerless clinger while they are in total control of their life and the course of the relationship.
16. Your assessment of where the relationship is at is different from theirs. And when you point this out to them, they say you are making them feel pressured for something they can't give or aren't ready for.
17. The last time you tried to back away a little to gain some perspective on the relationship, you could not pull that one through. You got so scared that a little distance might end the relationship completely.
18. Your anxiety is always on the high side; you are really afraid that the relationship might end (and expecting it to) anytime soon. There's a part of you that just wants to end it all, that actually wants them to leave so that you can regain your lost power; yet you are frightened of that prospect too.
13. You are constantly rationalizing the negatives and straining to believe them even when what they are saying defies simple common sense.
14. You are obsessed with trying to interpret, understand and clarify their every word and action. You are constantly searching for internet articles, asking friends and even strangers what they think: "does my partner love me or not?"
15. You constantly feel you are the powerless clinger while they are in total control of their life and the course of the relationship.
16. Your assessment of where the relationship is at is different from theirs. And when you point this out to them, they say you are making them feel pressured for something they can't give or aren't ready for.
17. The last time you tried to back away a little to gain some perspective on the relationship, you could not pull that one through. You got so scared that a little distance might end the relationship completely.
18. Your anxiety is always on the high side; you are really afraid that the relationship might end (and expecting it to) anytime soon. There's a part of you that just wants to end it all, that actually wants them to leave so that you can regain your lost power; yet you are frightened of that prospect too.
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