Your Partner is Emotionally Abusive If....

Do you often feel your partner is abusing you emotionally but aren't sure?  Emotional abuse, unlike it's physical counterpart, can be harder to identify because it mostly slowly creeps into a relationship without either partner realizing it. Often, the abuser isn’t even aware of what they are doing and would most likely deny it if it were brought to their attention.

 

An emotionally abusive partner desires to manipulate you in order to constantly control you. They often don’t want to hurt you, but their controlling nature makes them act out in a way that is mentally and emotionally harmful.

 

This is not an exhaustive list, but you are in an emmotionally abusive relationship if:

• You feel that you can’t self-express freely with your partner, or you have to tread extra carefully, (something akin to “walking on eggshells”) whenever you attempt to express yourself to them.
• Your partner frequently expresses jealousy, and ensures you don't engage in normal interactions with the opposite sex.
• Your partner frequently yells at you, criticizes you, or undermines your self-esteem.
• Your partner keeps you from your friends, family and support groups outside of the relationship.
• Practically "stalks" you (you have "accidentally" run into them where you are and least expect to find them there, severally caught them monitoring your email or internet usage or they question every phone call or text message you receive).
• Your partner alludes to the possibility of harming you or your loved ones if you “betrayed” or left them.
• Your partner implies that if you were to leave them, they may commit suicide or engage in other self-harming activity.

The above points are just meant to serve as pointers to the trends of an emotionally abusive relationship. Regarding the last bullet point — threats of suicide — it is an especially manipulative tactic. If your partner holds their potential suicide over their head, they are essentially attempting to take you hostage. You need to bring in a third party if they resort to this or any other form of violence.

 

Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, and can lead to:

• Chronic anxiety,
• Depression,
• Stress,
• Constant feelings of fear,
• Post-traumatic stress disorder.

If you realized you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, then you need to get help and also get out; and you need to do so real fast. Your partner’s yelling, constant criticism, “freaking out,” etc.,  are not “quirks” you should tolerate.

 

There are two immediate steps you should take:

 

1) Realize that this situation is NOT OK and can’t go on any longer. Don’t kid yourself it will change anytime soon because it never does.

 

2) You need to create some space for you to get your mind back. Do whatever you can to create some physical and psychological space. Once you’re away from your partner’s controlling domain and able to find refuge with family and friends, you’ll gain the perspective you need to take the steps to leave.