12 Pointers You're Dealing with An Evil Person

The idea of what is evil can be hard to define.  For example, committing murder can be said to be evil but the same cannot be said to be if committed in self defense. Evil is not confined to gender, believe, or region.  Anyone can be evil.  It can also emanate from anywhere and  often from places or persons we least expect.  Evil persons are found in regular homes, even in places of worship.  Everywhere we look, evil is sure to be lurking somewhere.

However, a doer of evil is someone who does not see anything wrong in their action or even inaction causing pain to others around them.  While some do it subtly, others don't really care.  For the latter, evil is a way of life. But evil is, whether open or subtle, EVIL.

Although it is quite difficult to identify an evil person just by merely looking at them, there are warning signs they display when you meet and associate with them. Below are signs to look out for to identify an evil person:

1.  Control Issues:  This is a most common trait of evil people.  The need for control is more like the bedrock of almost all their actions.  Not being in control makes them feel uncomfortable and powerless and because they want to ensure they are always in control you, they will do anything, including being overly nice to you, just to get close and subsequently control you. 

2.  Habitual Dishonesty:  Evil people are pathological liars.  They will vehemently lie through their nose even when the truth stares them pat in the face.  The vehemence is fierce when the odds don't favor them.  Lies form their reality as they could lie without even realizing it. They will lie about you, about situations, about others, and about themselves with no regrets.

3.  They Deliberately Mislead:  You can never really tell who an evil person is.  You will never know what their next course of action would be; whether they are going to turnaround, go right or left or continue straight.  They do not give straightforward answers when queried about anything, be it even something as innocuous as their birth date.  In their attempt to mislead you, they twist and stretch facts that are obvious.  They create a world around them that you will have difficulty understanding or believing in. An evil person will never have issues with misleading you.

4.  They Enjoy the Misfortune of Others:  And this includes you.  They delight in misfortune.  Somehow, they get a high from seeing others pass through difficulty or pain. Therefore, it is never out of place for an evil person to create bad situations for you just so they can be able to relish the outcome. 

5.  Lack of Remorse:  An evil person will never be truly sorry for what they did to you.  If anything, they will do anything to guilt-trip you into thinking it is all your fault and you should be the one apologizing.  Evil people truly have no remorse and are never moved by the tears of the people they hurt. In reality, all they want to do is maintain their current position of controlling your life and apologizing will make them appear weak and fallible.

6.  Cruelty:  Evil people are often so cruel to the world and to everyone around them that they can't entrust any part of their lives to other human being because they fear same would be meted out to them in return.  When you defy the wishes of an evil person, they may not immediately show their distaste, however, they definitely will at some point when they are sure they can hurt you most.  It won't be a slap in the face but a kick to the heart.

7.  Lack of Responsibility:  Evil people do not have a moral compass.  They will do as they please at all times and will never feel responsible to what their actions could cause anyone.  If they feel any sort of blame, they will always redirect it immediately.

8.  Manipulation:  They are adept manipulators.  Often times, they will be nice to you just to get something they need at the moment from you.  What they need could be anything; money, sexual satisfaction, assistance, favour, anything, just name it.  Once this need is met, you do not matter to them until when the need arises again and they act of showing you kindness will commence.  Then the whole circle will repeat itself.  However, not every act of kindness stems from manipulation.  The difference is that, genuine acts of kindness do not expect anything in return as opposed to manipulative acts of kindness.

9.  Belittling Others:  The do this through emotional manipulation.  They ridicule your appearance, your efforts at self-development, your hopes, aspirations, hobbies, your dreams and believes;  almost anything can belittled by an evil person.

10.  They Lead Double Lives:  Their true lives are always hidden.  They become whoever they need to be, even on the spur of the moment, just to get what they want.  They lead hundreds of lives and are a different person to everyone. Therefore, no single person truly knows who they are. 

11.  They Don't Have Boundaries:  Anything goes for an evil person.  Just ANYTHING.  They are no respecters of anyone, thus they can cross every boundary at will.  

12.  They Feel and Act Omnipotent:  Because they have gotten you wrapped around their little finger, the evil person feels all powerful.  They build and possess the feeling that you can't do without them.  A single sign of resistance or rejection from you and they will employ all the arsenals at their disposal to force you to let them stay.

Do you wonder if an evil person can change?  The answer is yes.  Evil persons can change but they can only do it on their own when they are ready; when the stopped being close-minded and are ready to atone for what they've done, change begins. But you CAN'T make them change so don't even try. 

Fire Guts Down the House of the SSA to Delta State Governor

A "Facebooker" going by the name Osaremen Okonoboh posted a disturbing video of a very beautiful house burning.

It is alleged that the house belongs to Hon. Chief Victor Okemena Egbo, SSA to Delta State Governor and that robbers set the house ablaze after carting away its entire contents when the owners of the house were out of town.

See the video below:

Below also is a screenshot of some comments from the post





Source:  Facebook - #Osaremen  #OsaremenGist

9 Most Tragic Beauty Queen Deaths

Death is the cessation of all biological functions that sustain living organisms.  As humans, it is only natural to expect to live to a ripe old age before dying.  However not all are lucky enough to attain old age before death comes. calling.

It might interest you to want to know how life ended for some key title holders in the beauty pageant field.

1.  Miss Poland 1991/Miss International 1991 Agnieszka Kotlarska (1972 - 1996)

19-year-old Agnieszka Kotlarska, a model from Poland, born August 15, 1972, was crowned Miss International 1991 on October 13, 1991 in Tokyo, Japan. Her death in the year 1996 shocked many; she was given a second chance at life after she backed out from boarding a plane that crashed and killed all its passengers. Unfortunately, two months later, she was stabbed to death by her stalker on August 27, 1996. The attack also injured her husband and her two-year-old daughter was a witness to the attack.  She was first polish winner of the Miss International Beauty pageant in 1991.  

2. Miss Hungary 1985 - Csilla Molnar (1969 - 1986) 

Csilla Molnar - Photo Credit: Alchetron.com

Crowned Miss Hungary in 1985, the 17-year-old, born on January 20, 1969, committed suicide on July 10, 1986 after complaining of harassment over winning the crown.  Earlier in a radio interview, she said, "I don't know whether I can bear this, everybody is harassing me.  They (people) ask: Where and from whom did you get those beautiful clothes?  Who helped you: Do you or your father have special connections with the jury? And so on". 

Molnar was found unconscious in her parents' home in the town of Fonyod on Lake Balaton and taken to Siofok Hospital but could not be revived.  She died of an overdose of Lidocaine, a drug used as an anesthetic and to control irregular heartbeats.

3.  Miss Sinaloa 2012 Maria Susana Flores Gamez (1992 - 2012)

Beauty queen Maria Susana Flores Gamez was crowned Miss Sinaloa, a state in Mexico in 2012.  She was killed in northern Mexico during a running gun battle between soldiers and the gang of drug traffickers she was travelling with.  It was reported that her body was found lying near an assault rifle on a rural road in a mountainous area in the state of Sinaloa.

4.  Fourth Runner-up Miss World Brazil 2006 Mariana Bridi Costa (1988 - 2009)

She was born on June 18, 1988 and began her career at the age of 14.  She secured the fourth place in the Miss World Brazil beauty pageant and participated in the Miss Bikini International contest in the following year.  In December 2008, Bridi was (initially) misdiagnosed with kidney infection and by early January 2009, medical reports confirmed a urinary tract infection that worsened to become septic.  Sadly, the sepsis caused tissue necrosis in her feet and hands which were later amputated in an attempt to save her life.  During her final surgery, a part of her stomach was also removed.  She died on the morning of January 24, 2009.

5. Zambia's Rep to the 2006 Miss Universe Pageant Mofya Chisenga (1983 - 2011)

Mofya Chisenga represented Zambia at the 2006 Miss Universe Pageant, the Miss Tourism Queen International Pageant 2005 in China during which she came out the 4th Runner-up and also the Miss Leisure World 2008 Pageant in China.  According to reports, she was admitted with malaria in pregnancy and later discharged.  However, she was again brought in a critical condition on October 14, 2011.  The model had been sick during her pregnancy according to reports; doctors said she had fluid in her lungs. She died on same night after delivering the baby, aged 28.

6.  Miss India Universe 1997 Nafisa Joseph (1978 - 2004)

Nafisa Joseph, born on 28 March 1978, was an Indian model and MTV video jockey. She was crowned Miss India Universe 1997 at the age of 19 and was finalist in the Miss Universe 1997 pageant in Miami Beach.  Nafisa Joseph hanged herself at her flat in Versova, Mumbai on July 29, 2004.  Her parents told reporters the model ended her life after her wedding with businessman Gautam Khanduja was called off.  Joseph discovered that Khanduja was still married although having told her that he was divorced.  When confronted, Khanduja refused to answer questions about his marital life or produce divorce papers he claimed to have filed.  Instead, reports have it that he then threatened her with blackmail, probably after she threatened to confront his wife.

7.  Miss Mauritius 1994 Viveka Babajee (1973 - 2010)

Mauritian model and actress Viveka Babajee, born on 27 May 1973, was Miss Mauritius World 1993 and Miss Mauritius Universe 1994.  The beauty queen was found hanging from the ceiling fan in her apartment at her Bandra residence in Mumbai. Police reports stated that acute depression led Viveka to kill herself.  Months before committing suicide, she had reportedly told her mother over the phone, "I am going far away".  However, the last entry in her diary which was found next to her body said, "You killed me, Gautam Vohra."  Unconfirmed reports stated that she became depressed after separating from her boyfriend, Gautam Vora.  However, in 2012, the case was re-opened after Gautam Vohra was arrested in connection with a murder case.

8.  Miss Universe Venezuela 2005 Monica Spear (1984 -2014)

On January 6, 2014, Spear was in her native Venezuela on vacation with her ex-husband and their 5-year-old daughter.  On a highway, in central Carabobo, when the three were inside their car waiting for assistance after the car had broken down, Spear and her ex-husband were killed during an attempted robbery and their daughter shot and wounded in the leg.

9.  Miss World Honduras 2014 Maria Jose Alvarado (1995 - 2014)

Maria Jose Alvarado born on July 19, 1995 in Santa Barbara, Honduras, had been scheduled to compete at the Miss World 2014 contest in London in December 2014 but was murdered prior to the event.  On the night of November 13, 2014, 19-year-old Maria Jose Alvarado and her elder sister, Sofia Trinidad Alvarado Munoz, 23, disappeared after leaving a party in Santa Barbara, Honduras.  According to witnesses, she stepped into a car without license plates.

On November 19, the same day Maria Jose had been expected to travel to London, the sisters' bodies were found. They had both been shot and buried in a field near Cablotales.  Plutarco Ruiz, Sofia Trinidad's boyfriend, as well as another man, Aris Maidonado, were arrested on suspicion of kidnapping and murder of the two.  Ruiz confessed to the murders, stating he had shot Sofia Trinidad after an argument on the night of the party, then shot Maria Jose twice in the back as she tried to flee.

May their souls rest in peace.

Balaraba Muhammad - the Little Known Girl Who Bravely Resisted Boko Haram

Many women have bravely resisted extremists' plans in quiet and unheralded ways.  One of such women is Balaraba Muhammad, who reportedly arrived at the Boko Haram camp in 2012.  The terror group had murdered her husband in front of her after he criticized the group.  Days later, they came back for her, throwing her baby to the ground and abducting her.

Dozens of abducted women have said that Boko Haram gave them a terrible choice:  Marry the group's fighters or be deployed as bombers.  Captives have said some women chose to blow up only themselves instead.

A very few survived this ordeal and want to tell their stories.  Balaraba Muhammad is one.

At the camp, Muhammad said she listened as two women began discussing ways to kill themselves in order to end their suffering there.  A militant overheard them and became exasperated.  "What is so difficult about killing yourselves?" he asked.  He shot them both to death. Muhammad was very scared.  At some point, she considered suicide, but the thought of her ailing grandmother who needed her as caretaker kept her from killing herself.

Muhammad was one of six women dispatched to blow up a mosque and everyone in it.  The women wanted to get rid of their bombs without killing anyone, including themselves. 19-year-old Muhammad who was kidnapped a few months earlier came up with a plan: they made a long rope out of their hijabs to which they attached the bombs and gingerly lowered them into a well, praying it was filled with water.

After letting go of the rope, the ran for their lives, she said.

Muhammad said to wriggle out of being married off to a fighter, she feigned sickness and to get out of weapons training she feigned mental illness.  When fighters gave her a bomb, she said she knew she would have to go or be shot too.

Which was how she found herself with five others at the edge of that well.

The bombs did not detonate and the young women scared and unsure what to do ran back to the camp.  They swore on a Qur'an to their captors they had accomplished their mission and that they ran so fast to escape and lost their hijabs on the way.  Cheers went up in the camp and the fighters convened a feast to celebrate the women they thought has become killers.

But the women's relief was short-lived as the fighters soon decided they were ruthless enough to be ready for weapons training.  The women were handed guns and captives were lined up for live targets.  One of the girls who was part of the six at the well was so distraught that she ran into hail of bullets fired by the firing squad, killing herself, Muhammad said.

After the trick at the well, fighters sent Muhammad and the other women on a second suicide mission, replacing the girl who died with a new captive.  Their target was to be a market in Banki, a once-bustling town in Maiduguri.  One of the fighters planned to escort the women but the new captive assured the militants she was from Banki and knew her way through the countryside.

The women collected their bombs and again used their hijabs to lower them into the well.  They sprinted back to the fighters' camp expecting the same joyous reception. Instead, the fighters were shocked to see them arrive so soon.  Just then the radio crackled with news; a bombing had been reported in Banki - not in the market,  but in a small village outside the main town. The fighters turned on the new captive, thinking she had led the women to the wrong place.  They shot and killed her.

Days went by and fighters came and went, engaging in fierce battles that claimed some of their lives.  They wanted revenge.  They prepared Muhammad and other women for a major operation: to blow up the Monday market, the biggest in northeast Nigeria.

They loaded some 20 cars, mototbikes and stolen military trucks with bombers and fighters and drove to the market.  Muhammad says she was sick and too weak to even get out of the car.  She sat inside as bombs exploded, and the vehicle sped away.

Muhammad was driven back to the camp and remained ill for several days, locked in a tin shack with other captives as they listened to fighters preparing for vigilante forces to invade the camp.

"I was saying in my heart that 'Oh God, even if I would die, let my relatives find my corpse'," she says.

She heard gunshots and a loud noise.  She lost consciousness.

Hadiza Musa, who had joined the local vigilante force to avenge the Boko Haram capture of her sister, arrived to find a horrific scene:  The entire camp was on fire, and there was carnage everywhere.  Musa said, in an attempt to distract the vigilantes, it appeared that Boko Haram had blown up their own camp and their captives and fled.

Musa said she sifted through the dead and came across Muhammad, who was unconscious with burns covering her body and blood pouring from what looked like a bullet wound to her leg.  Musa cried as she helped ferry Muhammad to a hospital.  She stayed by Muhammad, caring for her until she was conscious.  She also tracked down Muhammad's grandmother and told her the first good news she had heard in months:  her baby Hairat, whom the terrorists threw to the floor as she was being abducted, was alive.

Boko Haram is still plaguing Maiduguri where their movement began. On February 9, 2020, militants attacked vehicles lined up at a checkpoint at Auno, a town about 24 kilometres west of Maiduguri. At least 30 people lost their lives in the attack; some reportedly burnt to death while sleeping in their cars.

When President Muhammadu Buhar arrived in Maiduguri to console mourners, he was jeered.  The Nigerian military has long been struggling to gain upper hand against the fighters who are now better armed than the military.

Suicide bombings have declined as Boko Haram and its factions have focused on targeting military forces.  Yet the incidents persist; in January in nearby Chad, a woman bomber killed nine people and in Maiduguri two female bombers blew up a market killing two people.

Musa and Muhammad now consider themselves sisters.  Muhammad still bears scars from burns to her face, arms and legs.  In Maiduguri where she lives with Hairat who is now in school, some neighbors who know she was abducted are suspicious and think she might be loyal to Boko Haram.

"The best thing is for you to be killed," a neighbor once told Muhammad.

She tries to ignore those kinds of comments bearing in mind none of the ordeal was her fault.  She pays for Hairat's schooling by knitting caps and selling soft drinks from a rented mini refrigerator and makes regular trips to the morgue in search of her brother's body;  he disappeared after he dropped out of college to join the vigilantes to avenge Muhammad's capture.

Muhammad has commenced training to become a nurse.  She wants to give back.  But she couldn't afford fees for recent exams after an uncle kicked her out of his house, still suspicious of her time with the militants.

Until she can save up money to the exam, she keeps a first aid kit with her, in case she comes across anyone needing help.

A shout out to Muhammad and the women at the well and to the other women like them who have bravely resisted, foiling the extremists' plans in quiet and unheralded ways.  Most of them who broke away from Boko Haram keep their abductions secret for fear of stigmatization as terrorist sympathizers even though they were held against their wills.  We hail them for standing up to Boko Haram and all those who lost their lives for doing so.

Adapted from:  https://www.independent.co.uk/news/long_reads/women/boko-haram-women-suicide-bombing-nigeria-a9421166.html

© The New York Times

Nollywood's Halima Abubakar Welcomes Baby

Halima Abubakar - Photo Credit: www.tori.ng

Nollywood Actress Halima Abubakar has just welcomed a baby boy thereby becoming the newest celebrity mother in town.

The beautiful actress announced the arrival of her bundle of joy via her IG account.  In her words:  "A gift from God And I will cherish you for life 😩❤️❤️❤️Biggest miracle ❤️ A Boy 🙏🏻 3/4/20".

Halima is an influential Nollywood actress.  She started her acting career in Nollywood in 2001 who has won numerous awards among which are:

-  Afro Hollywood Best Actress Award

-  Actors Guild Icons Award

- Global Leadership Award

- Best Actress Awards

- Kogi State Youth Ambassador

Some of the most prominent movies under her belt include:

- Slip of Fate

- Tears of a Child

- Secret Shadows

- Gangster Paradise

- Area Mama

- Men in Love

- Okafor's Law

- Return of White Hunters, etc...

Halima, a Kogi State indegene, was born on June 12,1985 in Kano State, Northern Nigeria and holds a Bachelors Degree in Sociology.  She is also a model, TV Presenter, a Philanthropist and CEO of Modehouse Entertainment, a music label and entertainment management company. 

Congratulations to her on the birth of her baby.

ALSO READ: Fire Guts Down the Home of SSA to Delta State Governor

The One Proof that Love will Always find a Way to Come Shining Through

In this period of COVID-19 pandemic, when the entire world is faced with a bleak future darkened by uncertainty the depth of which seems beyond human comprehension, light, love and hope through fate will always find a way to come shining through as it did for Jeremy Cohen who found love in a way quite surprising and gave dating a new face.

Jeremy 'Jerm' Cohen, born in 1991, lives and works in Brooklyn as a freelance photographer.  Owing to social distancing brought about by the COVID-19 pandemic, millions all over the world have been quarantined at their homes in an attempt to curb the spread of the disease.  Jeremy was cooped up in his apartment alone when he looked out of his window and noticed a girl dancing on the roof of a building next to his own house.  He waved at the girl who waved back and Jeremy, who hasn't been on a date in at least a year, took his drone and attached a piece of paper to it with his phone number and "Text Me" written on it.

The rest is now history as they say.  The video below explains what happened next.

Adapted from:
www.facebook.com
www.boredpanda.com
www.jermcohen.com

Nigeria Reduces Fuel Price to N123.50 per Litre

The Petroleum Products Pricing and Regulatory Agency, PPPRA, has reduced the pump price of petrol to N123.50/Litre from the current price of N125.00/Litre.  This new price is to take effect today according to the Executive Secretary of PPPRA, Abdulkadir Saidu, who announced the new pump price.

This comes precisely two weeks after the agency reduced the pump price from N145.00/Litre to N125.00/Litre.

This reduction is based on the reduced landing costs of petrol into Nigeria which is caused by the global decline of crude oil prices.

A Nigerian Lady has Allegedly Committed Suicide; the Reason Will Shock You

A 30-year-old lady named Ajoke Oreoluwa (Mojisola Salaudeen) has allegedly committed suicide  yesterday.  Ajoke, a very beautiful woman, committed the act when she heard her husband is doing a naming ceremony with another woman who allegedly got pregnant for him and subsequently became his 3rd wife..  A mother of 2 boys Abdulsamad and AbdulSabur aged 3 and 1, Ajoke is reportedly a 2nd wife.

The husband, one Fatomide Abass Ayobami who wrote, "RIP Fatomide Rukayyat Mojisola my lovely wife its painful but the will of Allah is inevitable you will forever be in my heart Aljannat is urs", is reportedly a chronic womanizer.

Ajoke's comment in a post a few weeks back alluding to that fact reads: "All this men are dogs I can imagine many are mad few r roaming the 47 years old father of my children is worst than a dog to the extent of he has different group chats of oloshos some girls were fighting over him they both work in same hotel".

My take is, do not give what you can't take.  And if you found, with time, that things are not working out, please take a walk.

My prayers are with the innocent kids who will live to grow without a mother's love

Things to do to Make Others Value You

Do you sometimes wonder why people tend not to value you or what you do for them even when you give them the best of you? Do you wonder why they seem to think you have endless amounts of time to do whatever it is they want you to do for them?  Could it be that there are things you do which are absolutely not wrong but only serve to enforce how others see and treat you?

Possibility is on the high side that you may be lacking that little thing called self-respect. Self-respect is akin to self-love - that little gift we lavish on ourselves that empowers us to be less motivated to ALWAYS want to please others at all cost.  There is nothing wrong with doing things to please others; what is wrong is when the 'others' won't lift a finger in an attempt reciprocate.

Treading the path of self-love is not an easy journey to embark on.  However, the emotional trauma associated with being taken for granted is not something you can permanently live with, either. Therefore, there are a few important things you can start doing to help you in your attempt at self-love.



1.  Stop looking for who does not look for you.

2.  Reduce how you visit some people, especially if the do not visit you in return.

3.  Do not go where you are not invited.  And when invited, do not overstay your welcome.

4.  Do not always be available.  Be scarce sometimes.

5.  Treat people exactly the way they deserve to be treated.

6.  Do not call anyone more than 3 times at intervals; if the value you they will return your call.

7.  Always think you are special too.  Do not lose yourself in the process of placing more value on another more than yourself.

8.  Do not waste effort in making someone a part of you who obviously are not making any efforts on their part to meet you even if it is halfway.

9.  Take care of your own needs first.

10.  Learn to say "No" sometimes. You won't die.

In conclusion, having boundaries for every facet of your life is the best description for self-love.  Knowing when to say "enough" to what doesn't grow you is a huge step towards self-love.

These Nigerian Jokes will Definitely Put a Smile on Your Face

As the saying goes, the mind heals faster with laughter.  These jokes will put a smile on your face:

1.  It is only an African parent that will advise you for 6 hours and still tell you "I don't have much to say".

2.  If someone tells you a secret and you disclosed it, you are the reason behind the saying "Walls have ears".

3.  There is no difference between Bra and Bar.  Once these two are opened, men go crazy.  Now imagine a girl called Barbra.

4.  If you are my friend, be my friend; if you are my enemy, be my enemy.  Stay one place and stop confusing the thunder.

5.  Why is it that everything can happen in secondary school but the math teacher will never get sick?

6.  Give a girl an iPhone 11 and her parents won't ask her where she got it from.  But just  give her ordinary pregnancy and her mother, father, uncles, aunties, her whole generation and even her ancestors will come looking for you.

Hope these made you smile.

A Toronto Charity Posted an Unseen Photo of 'Regular Supporter' Meghan Markle Volunteering in Their Kitchen During Her Suits Days When Living in Canada

A Toronto based community centre has shared an unseen photo of Meghan Markle volunteering with them during her days working on Suits.

The photo sees Meghan standing in the shelter's kitchen with a group of volunteers, wearing a cap, padded jacket  and striped shirt, during her time working as Rachel Zane on Suits - a role she gave up for Prince Harry in 2017.

Prince Harry 35, and Meghan Markle, 38, selected St. Felix Centre as one of their 12 charities to feature in December in an effort to highlight those helping 'the lonely, hungry and homeless'.

On Saturday, the charity posted an unseen picture of former actress working at the centre with them, revealing that she would bring food from the set of the legal drama and fed over 100 people at Thanksgiving one year.

Source The Dailymail

10 Reasons for Relationship Failure

It is a fact that most of us want to meet and settle down with the “right” person, and most of us want such a relationship to last. Yet, the majority of romantic partnerships, somehow, still end in dissolution. What could be the major causes for relationships failure? Below are ten reasons why relationships fail, excerpted from my books (click on titles): “7 Keys to Long-Term Relationship Success” and “How to Get Over a Break-Up – Keys to Healing and Happiness Again”.

Of course, every couple is unique. The longer two people shared their lives together, the more likely complex factors are involved. The list of reasons below is not meant to be comprehensive. They simply represent some of the most common and damaging factors behind relational dissolution.

1.    Trust Issues

Lack or loss of trust is one of the most harmful contagions to a couple’s long-term success. Without trust, a relationship misses two of the key anchors to a strong bond: safety and security.

Trust issues may include factors such as jealousy, possessiveness, unreasonable rigidity, emotional infidelity, physical/sexual infidelity, relational game playing, lack of reliability and dependability, lack of emotional support, lack of financial compatibility, and lack of mutually-supportive goals.

If you believe trust is a major issue in your relationship (or was in your former relationship), examine whether the lack of trust is based on a pattern of evidence (such as significant broken promises), or mostly subjective emotions (such as jealousy without proof). Consider honestly whether the lack of trust is based on tangible substance or unjustified fears.

2.    Different Expectations

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."

― Mark Twain

It’s not easy for a couple to walk a journey together for a long time. The elements that frequently draw two people toward one-another at the beginning of a relationship – physical attraction, sexual passion, common interests, personality connections, socio-economic backgrounds – often become less central as the realities and demands of day to day life sets in. Overtime, a couple’s expectations in the relationship may differentiate, as they begin to see their respective life plans as “what I want,” instead of “what we want.”

Some of the reasons relationship divergence occur between a couple include:

Mister/Miss Right or Mister/Miss Right Now?

Does your partner see you as “Mister/Miss Right”, or “Mister/Miss Right Now”?  In other words, how serious is your partner about being in a long-term committed relationship with you? What about you with your partner?

Differences in Priorities

Your partner has different priorities and expectations regarding the relationship.

For some, the significant-other relationship (and family) is the primary center of gravity of life. Nothing else comes close in its importance.  

For others, a romantic relationship, even a committed one, is but one facet of life. There are many other aspects of life which, in their perspective, can justifiably take higher priority.

3.    Moving Through Life at Different Speeds

When one partner is learning and growing at a rapid pace, while the other is stagnating, this may be a source of relational divergence. One example of this would be a partner advancing quickly in her career and society, while her significant other is stagnating at home. The professional and social circles of the couple begin to diverge, and soon the couple themselves differentiate. They have physically, intellectually, and socially grown apart.

4.    Compatibility Issues

Relational compatibility is a large topic worthy of full volumes of its own. In my books (click on titles) “7 Keys to Long-Term Relationship Success” and “How to Get Over a Break-Up – Keys to Healing and Happiness Again”, relationship compatibility is explored in detail from several perspectives, including compatibility in intimacy, compatibility in personality types, and compatibility in attachment styles.

5.  Communication Issues

This is a big one. Numerous studies have identified communication (or a lack thereof) as one of the top reasons for couples therapy, as well as one of the top reasons for break-up and divorce (1)(2).

Dr. John Gottman of the University of Washington, a foremost expert on couples studies, concluded after over twenty years of research that the single, best predictor of divorce is when one or both partners show contempt in the relationship.

Contempt, the opposite of respect, is often expressed via negative judgment, criticism, or sarcasm regarding the worth of an individual. In communication studies, this is known as being “tough on the person, soft on the issue”. Contemptuous communication works like poison - it destroys the health and well-being of a romantic relationship.

6.    Narcissism

The Mayo Clinic research group defines narcissistic personality disorder as “a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration." Narcissism is often marked by a lack of true intimacy in relationship (3).

Signs of narcissism may include (and are not limited to) superiority complex, grandioseself-image, entitlement, conceit, boundary violations, false charm, the Don Juan syndrome, manipulation, irresponsibility, rule breaking, extreme selfishness, negative emotions, and contempt towards others. Significantly, research indicates that high narcissism is correlated with susceptibility to infidelity (4)(5).

7.    Relational Abuse 

For the purpose of this writing, relational abuse is defined as the repeated mistreatment of an individual. Examples of relational abuse include:  Verbal, emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse. Pathological manipulation. Pathological Narcissism. Pathological passive-aggressiveness. Excessive control and dominance. For more on this subject, see my books (click on titles): "How to Successfully Handle Manipulative People", "How to Successfully Handle Narcissists", and "How to Successfully Handle Passive-Aggressive People".

8.    Life Habit Abuse

Life habit abuses are traits which, although may or may not directly involve the partner (such as a secret gambling addiction), may ultimately affect the relationship in a destructive way. Examples of life habit abuse include: Drug addiction. Alcohol addiction. Gambling addiction. Sexual addiction.

9.    Grown Apart, Boredom, Staleness, Rut

If any of the four terms written above resonates with your relationship experience, there are a couple of elements to consider:

If you have been in a relationship for two years or less, and you and your partner have “grown apart”, it could be due to a lack of commitment, different expectations, lack of compatibility, or the natural process of trial and error in mate-finding.

If you are in a long-term relationship, it is possible that life obligations (such as school, work, and especially child-rearing) got in the way of couple connectedness and mutual evolvement. A classic example is the “empty nest” syndrome, where after all the children have grown and left home, the parents suddenly feel like strangers to one-another, having not focused on each another for so many years.

10.    Money Issues

The longer a couple has been together in a committed relationship, the greater the possibility of financial incompatibility. According to research, differences over money is one of the top reasons for marital dissolution (6)(7). A couple also doesn’t need to be married to have money challenges.

Money issues and disputes tap into some of our deepest psychological needs and fears, including and not limited to trust, safety, security, power, control, and survival.

For more tips on relationship success and empowerment, see my books (click on titles): “7 Keys to Long-Term Relationship Success”, and “How to Get Over a Break-Up – Keys to Healing and Happiness Again”.

How to Make Yourself Stay Faithful to Your Partner

Both men and women cheat in relationships. But it is a known fact that more men are more prone to cheat on their partners than women. But the point is not about who cheats more or who doesn't.  In the long run, someone gets terribly hurt where cheating occurs. Therefore, the significance of avoiding it cannot be overemphasized.

We are all wired differently, that is why, while it is easy for some people to fight the urge to cheat, others simply can't resist the temptation.  Below are some tips that could help you stay faithful to your partner.

Don't Try Denying the Feeling:  Start by accepting that you may feel attracted to someone other than your partner. Whether it's a pretty woman/handsome man at the gym or a cute co-worker, it is normal to feel attracted to other people and even fantasize about them. But while you can look at whoever you want, it is important to separate fantasy from reality. Do not make the feeling a reality.

Do not put yourself in a position where you may be tempted to cheat. If you feel sexually attracted to someone, for example, a work colleague, or you run into an Ex you still have feelings for, never meet them alone at the office, a restaurant, a secluded location or at their home.

Weigh the Pros and Cons of your actions:  Recognize that cheating on your partner would deeply hurt them and may even spell the end of your relationship because only few relationships survive infidelity. So try putting their feelings before yours, or try placing yourself in their position, you may recognize that cheating on your partner is not worth the pain it may cause them to feel or even worth your entire relationship.

Determination:  Determine never to cheat no matter how strong the desire to is.  Giving in to cheating is like having eggs at home and ordering same at an eatery.  Whether it is fried or boiled, in the long run what you will consume is egg.  You leave eggs at home to have eggs elsewhere - ask yourself what's the point.

Communication: Ask them how their day at work was or what they want to do over the weekend. If you need to talk about deeper subjects, don't be afraid to share them with your partner. Having an open communication system with your partner will help you maintain a strong bond with each other.

Keep the Fire of Romance Burning:  Keep the romance in your relationship alive. For example, prepare a romantic dinner for your partner one night. Cook them their favorite meal and surround the table with candles and flowers. After you are finished eating, prepare them a bubble bath and gently stroke their hair as they relax. When you are intimate with your partner, you are showing them that you love to be around them.

E Don Happen.... What Won't Chatting on the Phone Cause?

A Saudi Arabian bride was divorced by her husband just within minutes of their marriage because she was too busy chatting with her friends on her phone to consummate the marriage.

The groom took his bride back to their hotel room after the ceremony in the city of Jeddah, but apparently felt ignored when he tried to get intimate with her and was pushed away by his wife because she was trying to respond to congratulatory messages from friends on her phone.  A relative told Saudi daily Al Watan on May 17, 2016.

The relative said:

"Following the marriage ceremony, the groom took his bride to the hotel where they had booked a room."

"However, as soon as the bride was in the room, she kept using her mobile.  Her groom tried to get closer with her and become more intimate, but he was shocked when she ignored him, not responding to his words and action.  When he asked her about the reasons, she answered that she was busy communicating with her friends who were congratulating her on her marriage on the mobile.  The groom asked her to delay the messages, but she refused and became angry.  When he asked her if her friends were more important than he was, the bride answered that they were."

Little Known Fact About Brad Pitt

Did you know?

Before he became famous, Brad Pitt was once paid to 'hide' his handsome face.  A bit shocking, right? Well you are not alone, I find it shocking too. But yes, Pitt's (yes, 'the Brad Pitt') first job was as a chicken mascot for a fast food restaurant. He was paid to don a chicken costume to attract clientèle to the fast food restaurant, El Pollo Loco, in Los Angeles!

A Woman Files for Divorce Because Her Husbands Penis is "Too Big".

Hmmm.... so it's not really true that "the bigger the size, the better".

According to media reports, a woman named A'isha Dannupawa has filed for divorce citing the large size of her husband's penis as the reason.

A'isha, a mother of three kids, from a previous marriage, filed for divorce a week into her marriage to new husband Ali Maizinari. She complained that the size of his manhood was too large and described having sex as a nightmare.

"We had sex but the experience was a nightmare; instead of enjoying it, the sex turned out to be something else because his penis was too big," she told the court.

Their divorce was granted in an Islamic Court in Zamfara State, Nigeria.

Maizinari did not deny the accusation and told the court he was willing to dissolve the union if the cost incurred for dowry and other money spent during the courtship was paid back.