10 Reasons for Relationship Failure

It is a fact that most of us want to meet and settle down with the “right” person, and most of us want such a relationship to last. Yet, the majority of romantic partnerships, somehow, still end in dissolution. What could be the major causes for relationships failure? Below are ten reasons why relationships fail, excerpted from my books (click on titles): “7 Keys to Long-Term Relationship Success” and “How to Get Over a Break-Up – Keys to Healing and Happiness Again”.

Of course, every couple is unique. The longer two people shared their lives together, the more likely complex factors are involved. The list of reasons below is not meant to be comprehensive. They simply represent some of the most common and damaging factors behind relational dissolution.

1.    Trust Issues

Lack or loss of trust is one of the most harmful contagions to a couple’s long-term success. Without trust, a relationship misses two of the key anchors to a strong bond: safety and security.

Trust issues may include factors such as jealousy, possessiveness, unreasonable rigidity, emotional infidelity, physical/sexual infidelity, relational game playing, lack of reliability and dependability, lack of emotional support, lack of financial compatibility, and lack of mutually-supportive goals.

If you believe trust is a major issue in your relationship (or was in your former relationship), examine whether the lack of trust is based on a pattern of evidence (such as significant broken promises), or mostly subjective emotions (such as jealousy without proof). Consider honestly whether the lack of trust is based on tangible substance or unjustified fears.

2.    Different Expectations

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."

― Mark Twain

It’s not easy for a couple to walk a journey together for a long time. The elements that frequently draw two people toward one-another at the beginning of a relationship – physical attraction, sexual passion, common interests, personality connections, socio-economic backgrounds – often become less central as the realities and demands of day to day life sets in. Overtime, a couple’s expectations in the relationship may differentiate, as they begin to see their respective life plans as “what I want,” instead of “what we want.”

Some of the reasons relationship divergence occur between a couple include:

Mister/Miss Right or Mister/Miss Right Now?

Does your partner see you as “Mister/Miss Right”, or “Mister/Miss Right Now”?  In other words, how serious is your partner about being in a long-term committed relationship with you? What about you with your partner?

Differences in Priorities

Your partner has different priorities and expectations regarding the relationship.

For some, the significant-other relationship (and family) is the primary center of gravity of life. Nothing else comes close in its importance.  

For others, a romantic relationship, even a committed one, is but one facet of life. There are many other aspects of life which, in their perspective, can justifiably take higher priority.

3.    Moving Through Life at Different Speeds

When one partner is learning and growing at a rapid pace, while the other is stagnating, this may be a source of relational divergence. One example of this would be a partner advancing quickly in her career and society, while her significant other is stagnating at home. The professional and social circles of the couple begin to diverge, and soon the couple themselves differentiate. They have physically, intellectually, and socially grown apart.

4.    Compatibility Issues

Relational compatibility is a large topic worthy of full volumes of its own. In my books (click on titles) “7 Keys to Long-Term Relationship Success” and “How to Get Over a Break-Up – Keys to Healing and Happiness Again”, relationship compatibility is explored in detail from several perspectives, including compatibility in intimacy, compatibility in personality types, and compatibility in attachment styles.

5.  Communication Issues

This is a big one. Numerous studies have identified communication (or a lack thereof) as one of the top reasons for couples therapy, as well as one of the top reasons for break-up and divorce (1)(2).

Dr. John Gottman of the University of Washington, a foremost expert on couples studies, concluded after over twenty years of research that the single, best predictor of divorce is when one or both partners show contempt in the relationship.

Contempt, the opposite of respect, is often expressed via negative judgment, criticism, or sarcasm regarding the worth of an individual. In communication studies, this is known as being “tough on the person, soft on the issue”. Contemptuous communication works like poison - it destroys the health and well-being of a romantic relationship.

6.    Narcissism

The Mayo Clinic research group defines narcissistic personality disorder as “a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration." Narcissism is often marked by a lack of true intimacy in relationship (3).

Signs of narcissism may include (and are not limited to) superiority complex, grandioseself-image, entitlement, conceit, boundary violations, false charm, the Don Juan syndrome, manipulation, irresponsibility, rule breaking, extreme selfishness, negative emotions, and contempt towards others. Significantly, research indicates that high narcissism is correlated with susceptibility to infidelity (4)(5).

7.    Relational Abuse 

For the purpose of this writing, relational abuse is defined as the repeated mistreatment of an individual. Examples of relational abuse include:  Verbal, emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse. Pathological manipulation. Pathological Narcissism. Pathological passive-aggressiveness. Excessive control and dominance. For more on this subject, see my books (click on titles): "How to Successfully Handle Manipulative People", "How to Successfully Handle Narcissists", and "How to Successfully Handle Passive-Aggressive People".

8.    Life Habit Abuse

Life habit abuses are traits which, although may or may not directly involve the partner (such as a secret gambling addiction), may ultimately affect the relationship in a destructive way. Examples of life habit abuse include: Drug addiction. Alcohol addiction. Gambling addiction. Sexual addiction.

9.    Grown Apart, Boredom, Staleness, Rut

If any of the four terms written above resonates with your relationship experience, there are a couple of elements to consider:

If you have been in a relationship for two years or less, and you and your partner have “grown apart”, it could be due to a lack of commitment, different expectations, lack of compatibility, or the natural process of trial and error in mate-finding.

If you are in a long-term relationship, it is possible that life obligations (such as school, work, and especially child-rearing) got in the way of couple connectedness and mutual evolvement. A classic example is the “empty nest” syndrome, where after all the children have grown and left home, the parents suddenly feel like strangers to one-another, having not focused on each another for so many years.

10.    Money Issues

The longer a couple has been together in a committed relationship, the greater the possibility of financial incompatibility. According to research, differences over money is one of the top reasons for marital dissolution (6)(7). A couple also doesn’t need to be married to have money challenges.

Money issues and disputes tap into some of our deepest psychological needs and fears, including and not limited to trust, safety, security, power, control, and survival.

For more tips on relationship success and empowerment, see my books (click on titles): “7 Keys to Long-Term Relationship Success”, and “How to Get Over a Break-Up – Keys to Healing and Happiness Again”.

How to Make Yourself Stay Faithful to Your Partner

Both men and women cheat in relationships. But it is a known fact that more men are more prone to cheat on their partners than women. But the point is not about who cheats more or who doesn't.  In the long run, someone gets terribly hurt where cheating occurs. Therefore, the significance of avoiding it cannot be overemphasized.

We are all wired differently, that is why, while it is easy for some people to fight the urge to cheat, others simply can't resist the temptation.  Below are some tips that could help you stay faithful to your partner.

Don't Try Denying the Feeling:  Start by accepting that you may feel attracted to someone other than your partner. Whether it's a pretty woman/handsome man at the gym or a cute co-worker, it is normal to feel attracted to other people and even fantasize about them. But while you can look at whoever you want, it is important to separate fantasy from reality. Do not make the feeling a reality.

Do not put yourself in a position where you may be tempted to cheat. If you feel sexually attracted to someone, for example, a work colleague, or you run into an Ex you still have feelings for, never meet them alone at the office, a restaurant, a secluded location or at their home.

Weigh the Pros and Cons of your actions:  Recognize that cheating on your partner would deeply hurt them and may even spell the end of your relationship because only few relationships survive infidelity. So try putting their feelings before yours, or try placing yourself in their position, you may recognize that cheating on your partner is not worth the pain it may cause them to feel or even worth your entire relationship.

Determination:  Determine never to cheat no matter how strong the desire to is.  Giving in to cheating is like having eggs at home and ordering same at an eatery.  Whether it is fried or boiled, in the long run what you will consume is egg.  You leave eggs at home to have eggs elsewhere - ask yourself what's the point.

Communication: Ask them how their day at work was or what they want to do over the weekend. If you need to talk about deeper subjects, don't be afraid to share them with your partner. Having an open communication system with your partner will help you maintain a strong bond with each other.

Keep the Fire of Romance Burning:  Keep the romance in your relationship alive. For example, prepare a romantic dinner for your partner one night. Cook them their favorite meal and surround the table with candles and flowers. After you are finished eating, prepare them a bubble bath and gently stroke their hair as they relax. When you are intimate with your partner, you are showing them that you love to be around them.

E Don Happen.... What Won't Chatting on the Phone Cause?

A Saudi Arabian bride was divorced by her husband just within minutes of their marriage because she was too busy chatting with her friends on her phone to consummate the marriage.

The groom took his bride back to their hotel room after the ceremony in the city of Jeddah, but apparently felt ignored when he tried to get intimate with her and was pushed away by his wife because she was trying to respond to congratulatory messages from friends on her phone.  A relative told Saudi daily Al Watan on May 17, 2016.

The relative said:

"Following the marriage ceremony, the groom took his bride to the hotel where they had booked a room."

"However, as soon as the bride was in the room, she kept using her mobile.  Her groom tried to get closer with her and become more intimate, but he was shocked when she ignored him, not responding to his words and action.  When he asked her about the reasons, she answered that she was busy communicating with her friends who were congratulating her on her marriage on the mobile.  The groom asked her to delay the messages, but she refused and became angry.  When he asked her if her friends were more important than he was, the bride answered that they were."

Little Known Fact About Brad Pitt

Did you know?

Before he became famous, Brad Pitt was once paid to 'hide' his handsome face.  A bit shocking, right? Well you are not alone, I find it shocking too. But yes, Pitt's (yes, 'the Brad Pitt') first job was as a chicken mascot for a fast food restaurant. He was paid to don a chicken costume to attract clientèle to the fast food restaurant, El Pollo Loco, in Los Angeles!

A Woman Files for Divorce Because Her Husbands Penis is "Too Big".

Hmmm.... so it's not really true that "the bigger the size, the better".

According to media reports, a woman named A'isha Dannupawa has filed for divorce citing the large size of her husband's penis as the reason.

A'isha, a mother of three kids, from a previous marriage, filed for divorce a week into her marriage to new husband Ali Maizinari. She complained that the size of his manhood was too large and described having sex as a nightmare.

"We had sex but the experience was a nightmare; instead of enjoying it, the sex turned out to be something else because his penis was too big," she told the court.

Their divorce was granted in an Islamic Court in Zamfara State, Nigeria.

Maizinari did not deny the accusation and told the court he was willing to dissolve the union if the cost incurred for dowry and other money spent during the courtship was paid back.

Here's What Chris Brown Says About Rumoured Couple Rihanna and Leonardo DiCaprio

Chris Brown has something to say about the idea of his ex-girlfriend Rihanna cozying up to actor Leonardo DiCaprio.

When Brown, 25, was asked about the rumored romance between his former flame and the A-lister on New York radio station Hot 97, the R&B star didn't get awkward at all. Instead, he laughed good-naturedly. "Ain't nowhere else you could've went though," he said. "High five. You had to go up, and that's the upper, upper echelon. I'm not even a hater. I'll give you a slap on the back, booty, everything... 'Hey, do your thing. Good game.'"

Related: Rihanna and Leonardo DiCaprio Spent Valentine's Day in the Same Place

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Rihanna and Leonardo DiCaprio (Getty Images)

Brown added, "In that situation, I just tip my hat. I'm not a hater. I'm not envious. I don't feel jealous... I'm like, do your thing. I can't have it all, brotha. I can't have it all." Brown has dated Karrueche Tran — whom he called "K" in the interview — off and on for more than three years.

While Brown seemed to be in a talkative mood during the interview, afterward was a different story.

"Don't ask me about Drake or Rihanna. Anything u need to hear is in all our music. #500," he tweeted, according to E! News, although he seems to have deleted it later. "I've given the world enough opinions. I'm not doing no more interviews unless it's about my art or music. It's nothing else anyone needs."

Source: Yahoo! News

Maried Women in Kaduna, Nigeria, Protest Lack of Sex!

A group of women from the Rido community in Kaduna State, took to the streets on Wednesday, February 19, 2015 to publicly complain about their husband’s sexual weakness, asking that they start performing their matrimonial duties or face mass divorce.

The women, who were assembled at the NDA Junction in the state capital, blamed the Kaduna Refining and Petrochemical Company (KRPC) for their husband’s inability to perform as a result of the chemical waste and fumes from the company into their environment.

Speaking to newsmen during the protest, some of the  married women complained bitterly that some of the men in the Mararaba Rido community were impotent due to the toxic waste from the KRPC.

They revealed that their husbands suffer weak erection and infertility, while the women suffer miscarriage and other health complications.

A married woman, Jummai Isaac, 27, said she has not taken in since she got married in the year 2000.

“I haven’t conceived since I got married in the last fourteen years, and doctors have, on several occasions, confirmed to me absence of any known cause of inability to get pregnant.

Initially, doctors thought I had fibroid in my womb, but after several scans and some medical tests, they dispelled that notion.”

However, a community leader, Mohammed Bashar, explained that, “Most of the complaints could be associated with secondary infertility, because victims have, in the past, given birth to children before they suddenly stopped.

There was widespread belief that smoke and poisonous gases emitted from the refinery have reproductive health effect on people living in the area, but no medical report has confirmed the allegation due to inability of villagers to seek comprehensive medical tests, perhaps owing to lack of awareness and poverty.”